| Love
as a Gift
January
28, 2007
1
Corinthians 12:31-13:13
Fr.
George Smiga
Today's
second reading is one of the most beautiful and popular passages
of the New Testament. It is Paul's famous hymn to love from
First Corinthians. I can count on one hand the number of weddings
that I have celebrated that did not include this reading as
part of the ceremony. In this hymn, Paul identifies the qualities
of love and enumerates their importance and power. Despite
the beauty of the language, reflecting upon this hymn can
be a disturbing experience. Because as we hear Paul describe
the qualities of love, it is almost impossible not to measure
ourselves against them. And when we compare the love that
is in our lives with the love that is in the hymn, we often
come up short.
So
let's give it a try. Shall we?
I'll
enumerate some of the qualities of love that Paul describes
in this hymn and as I do so, ask yourself how much of those
qualities is present in your life?
Ready?
Love
is patient.
Love
is kind.
Love
is not jealous; it does not put on airs.
Love
does not insist on its own way.
Love
does not brood over injuries.
How
are you doing?
I
know. I once did this in a small parish group. After going
through the description, I asked, “How do these qualities
match up in your own life?” One person answered: “What qualities?
I threw in the towel at patience!”
Despite
the beauty of this hymn, when we measure our self against
it, it is easy to become discouraged. This is why the most
important line in this passage is the first one. Paul says,
“Set your hearts on the greater gifts, and I will show you
one that is greater than all the others.” Paul calls love
a gift. By calling it a gift, Paul is saying that we cannot
love or perform the actions described in this hymn unless
God gives us the power to do so. We cannot love without the
gift of love, and that is a gift which only God can give.
Now
seeing love as a gift is tremendously important because it
challenges the normal way that we approach loving. We usually
set love as a goal. There is a big difference between a goal
and a gift. A goal is something that we imagine we are doing
on our own, by our own will power and strength. When we try
to love as a goal, we usually fall short. Then we blame ourselves
for not trying hard enough. So we try harder, and we fail
again. Then we become discouraged. But Paul is telling us
love is not a goal, it is a gift. Our ability to love is dependent
on God enabling us to love. Without God's grace, we cannot
be patient or kind or forgiving. We are dependent on God's
gift, if we are going to love in the way that Paul describes.
So love is not a goal that we accomplish through our own strength
and abilities. It is a gift which only God can give.
Now,
of course, knowing that love is a gift does not absolve us
from the responsibility to grow in love. We cannot sit back
and say, “God do your thing!” We must cooperate with the gift.
We must do our part. It is necessary to build upon God's grace.
Nevertheless, there is a very big difference from seeing love
as a goal and as a gift. Seeing love as a gift changes our
whole approach to it, not only theoretically but practically.
So
the next time you have difficulty loving, do not just try
harder. Ask for the gift. The next time you are running short
on patience, when the children are ready to push you over
the edge, when you are so irritated with someone at work,
that you are about to scream, do not just stand there biting
your lip until it bleeds. Pray. Ask God to give you the gift
of patient loving. You will be amazed at how much easier it
is to be patient, when you invite God into the situation,
when you realize that you cannot do it on your own. God's
presence can give you strength. God can give you patience.
When
you find yourself brooding over injuries, replaying in your
mind past hurts, and you cannot stop. Admit your weakness
and ask God for the gift of forgiving love. Most likely that
forgiveness will not be granted in a moment. It will come
gradually over time. But as you open your heart to the gift,
you will gain the freedom to let go of the hurts you cannot
change.
When
you find yourself insisting on your own way, being unable
to compromise or change your mind, do not beat your head against
a wall. Ask God for the gift of generous loving. Ask for the
ability to see a larger picture, to realize that your way
is not the only way and that the things that you are holding
on to so tightly may well be suffocating you. Ask God for
the gift of generous loving so that you might find the ability
to change.
Love
is not a goal that we accomplish by our own will power and
strength. It is a gift that only God can give. It is a gift
with which we have to cooperate, but it is a gift nonetheless.
Without God's grace we can do nothing. We cannot be patient;
we cannot be forgiving; we cannot be kind. But God is generous.
That is the good news! For we believe that if we open our
hearts, if we pray for God's help, God will not abandon us.
We believe that love is a gift which God will give.
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