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Forgiving
For Our Sake
Fr.
George Smiga
September
11, 2005
Matthew
18: 21-35
A
married couple was going through a rough time. In the process,
they both said and did things that hurt one another deeply.
But with patience and commitment, they worked things out,
and began moving forward together. But not completely. One
day the wife complained, “Why is it that you keep bringing
up my past mistakes? I thought that you had forgiven and forgotten.”
“I have forgiven and forgotten,” said the husband, “but I
don't want you to forget that I have forgiven and forgotten.”
When
someone hurts us, it is very difficult to forgive and to forget.
This is what makes today's gospel so challenging. Jesus is
relentless in his insistence that we do not forgive people
once, or seven times, but seventy times seven times. And what
are we to make of that strange violent verse that ends the
gospel, where Jesus assures us that our heavenly Father will
hand us over to the torturers unless we forgive our brothers
and our sisters from our hearts? What is that about? Whatever
happened to a compassionate and understanding God?
As
strange as it may seem, that violent verse at the end of the
gospel is the key to understanding the parable itself. For
it is not telling us what God will do, but in fact what will
happen to us if we do not forgive. If we refuse to forgive,
we will live in torment, unless we change our minds. For the
simple human truth is this: when we have been injured deeply,
we can never recover until we forgive.
Now
we should be clear on what forgiveness is and what it is not.
Forgiveness is not pretending that everything is fine. It
is not making an excuse for the person who offended us. It
is certainly not putting ourselves back into the same situation
where we can be hurt again. (In fact, in some cases, the best
decision is to break off contact with the person who has hurt
us.) But what forgiveness is, is realizing that we cannot
change the past and refusing to let what we cannot change
control us. Because if we refuse to forgive, if we choose
to feed our hurt, that hurt can grow and deepen and compound
with anger and hatred. That hurt will rule our lives and hold
us captive.
This
is an old truth. Centuries before the birth of Christ, the
Greek play, Medea was written. In this drama Medea
kills her own children to exact revenge on her husband, who
committed adultery. When her husband asks her, how could she
kill her own flesh and blood just to spite him, Medea calmly
answers, “Because I hate you more than I love them.” Feeding
a hurt creates a monster, a monster that can destroy us. The
only way to slay that monster is forgiveness.
This
is an important truth to remember this weekend, as we celebrate
the anniversary of 9/ll. In the next few days we will remember
the tragedy of that event, the heroism of those who tried
to save others, and the grief of the families that lost loved
ones. But even in the immensity of that tragedy, we as Christians
are still called to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that
we make excuses for the evil that was done. It certainly does
not mean that we relax our vigilance to protect ourselves
in the future. We are called to forgive the terrorists, not
because they deserve it, but because we need it. For if we
try to build a future based on hatred and revenge, we will
became what we hate. Mahatma Gandhi, a man who knew much about
humanity and world relations, once said, “If we base our relationships
to one another on revenge, if we deal with one another based
upon ‘an eye for an eye,' soon the whole world will be blind.”
Jesus
is not being cruel in today's gospel. He is warning us about
a hard truth. Feeding a hurt will destroy us. What happens
in our life is not always fair; it is not always right. But
if we want to be free, if we want to be at peace, if we want
to live, we must forgive our brothers and sisters from our
hearts.
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