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What
to Do with Affirmation
Matthew
24:36, 25:14-30
November
12-13, 2005
Rev.
George Smiga
It
is easier for us to see what is negative rather than what
is good. We tend to focus on what is wrong rather than on
what is right. We find ourselves more willing to criticize
than to praise. Just look at today's gospel, the Parable of
the Talents. What is it about? If I were to take a survey
here this morning, I would wager that the majority of people
would say, “This parable tells us that God will punish us
if we do not use our talents.”
We
focus in on the negative. We focus on the one servant who
buried his money out of fear and received his master's wrath.
But there were two servants who used their talents and who
receive their master's praise. So if you look at this parable
simply from a quantitative standpoint, it tells us that God
is more likely to praise us for our successes than criticize
us for our failures. Or to say this in another way: there
is more affirmation in the parable than there is judgment.
So
if we take this positive approach to the parable, what does
it say about affirmation? Two things: that we should take
it in and we should spread it around. Clearly the master in
the parable stands in the place of God. Therefore, this parable
is telling us that God affirms us. God is pleased with us.
God takes delight in the way that we use the talents that
have been given to us. If God is affirming us, how important
it is that we take that affirmation in. For you see, affirmation
is power. Affirmation can change us; it can cause us to grow.
Just
look at the way that the servants grow in the parable as they
are affirmed by their master. They once were only capable
of a few things, but now they are trusted with more. They
once were unsure, but now they are confident and enter into
their master's joy.
Because
God is affirming us, we must let that affirmation in. We are
always inclined to look at the negative parts of our life,
our failures. But there is no power in our failures. The power
comes from accepting God's affirmation and love. God is affirming
us every moment of our lives. God is saying to us, “Well done,
good and trustworthy servant. You are a good parent. You are
a good spouse. You are a good grandmother, a good sister.
You have used your talents generously, faithfully. You have
been creative. You have been strong and a support to others.”
It
is especially important it is to take in God's affirmation
when we have experienced a setback in our lives—after an argument
with a friend, after we have let down someone that we love,
if we experience divorce. In these moments more than others,
we have to claim that God is still affirming us, saying to
us, “You are still good, because I have made you good. You
are still talented, because I have given you talents. You
are still loved, because you are my daughter or my son.” God's
affirmation of us is the source of power and life. We must
take it in.
It
is also important to spread affirmation around. For when we
give affirmation, we act like God. We act like God when we
affirm others, especially those who are closest to us. It
is all too seldom that we praise the people with whom we live.
We certainly love them, but the way we show love can often
be counterproductive. Sometimes we think that the way to express
love is to warn others, to save them from their mistakes.
Parents frequently choose to love in this way. They can base
their loving on warnings: “Don't do this. Never forget to
do that. Do not make this mistake.” They are motivated, of
course, out of a desire to protect their children. They seek
to make their sons and daughters better people. But there
is no power in warnings. There is no power in emphasizing
the negative. Power comes from affirmation and love.
When
was the last time that you praised your daughter or your son?
When was the last time that you said, “I am so proud of you.
You do this so well.” Can you imagine the power that is released
when such affirmation comes from a mother or father?
When
is the last time that you paid a compliment to your spouse,
or to a close friend? When have you said, “You amaze me at
how well you do this. How patient you are, how generous you
are, how creative you are.” Can you imagine the sense of power
and healing that are released when someone who loves you affirms
you in that way? We are truly like God when we decide to spread
our praise around.
It
is always easier to see the negative, to recognize what needs
to be changed. Power and life, however, come from affirmation.
This leaves us with two questions: How will I let in the affirmation
God has for me, and who will I affirm today?
My
suggestion is that for the rest of this liturgy you put out
of your mind any problems or failures or shortcomings, and
simply recognizing that God is present here among us. Open
your hearts to receive the love, the delight, the pleasure
that God takes in you. God will never stop loving you. You
are God's beloved son or daughter. Then, once you are filled
with God's affirmation, allow the Holy Spirit to suggest to
you three people who you will affirm this week. Once you have
identified those people, affirm them. Once you have affirmed
them, repeat the process again. Make it a pattern of life.
Become a person of affirmation—taking it in, spreading it
around.
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