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SAYING
"NO" IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD
November 9-10, 2002
Fr. George Smiga
Matthew
25:1-13
There's an unexpected word in today's gospel. But it is a
word of power. It is also a word of the Kingdom. That word
is "NO". When all the bridesmaids get up and begin
to trim their lamps, the foolish say to the wise, "give
us some of your oil because our lamps are going out".
The wise respond, "NO". Now that's rather shocking.
After all, this is a parable of Jesus. This is a parable that
gives to us a description of God's kingdom. Wouldn't you expect
that the wise bridesmaids would be a bit more generous, sharing
what they have with those in need? How do they get away with
saying "no"?
The wise
bridesmaids can say "no" because it is an appropriate
response in the circumstances in which they find themselves.
Moreover, "no" is a valid response in the kingdom
of God. You see it is essential to understand that in this
parable the ten bridesmaids know one another. The wise bridesmaids
know that the other five are foolish. They know that the foolish
bridesmaids are habitually negligent. They share a history
with one another. Time and time again the wise found themselves
used by the foolish bridesmaids. They share a history where
frequently the wise had to bail the foolish out. So over a
period of time it became clear to the wise bridesmaids that
giving the foolish ones what they asked for was not helping
them. It was only enabling their deficiencies and negligence.
That is why the wise have the right to refuse the request.
That is why it is valid for them to say "no".
Now don't
get me wrong. "Yes" is at the very heart of the
gospel. Giving of ourselves to others is what makes us true
disciples of Jesus. Laying down our life for one another is
the very crux of salvation. But it is precisely because giving
and sacrificing are at the heart of the gospel that this parable
today is so important. Because what this parable calls us
to is wisdom, a wisdom to discern one thing from another.
There is a difference between a "yes" that helps
and a "yes" that harms. There is a difference between
a sacrifice that is redemptive and a sacrifice that is destructive.
There is a difference between a "no" said out of
selfishness and a "no" spoken out of wisdom.
To be
a follower of Jesus we are called to give of ourselves, but
we are not expected to give ourselves into the hands of those
who would hurt us and abuse us. We are called then to recognize
that there are foolish people in the world, people who will
take advantage of us and hurt us. If we are wise, we will
figure out who those people are. If we are wise, we will realize
that we have a right and responsibility to protect ourselves
from harm. God has made us and made us valuable. We have the
responsibility to protect ourselves, to preserve our future,
to ensure our joy.
So if
you find yourself in a situation where you are being abused
physically, verbally, mentally, do not think that it is holiness
in putting up with that mistreatment. You are a person of
value, and the gospel calls you to say "no"---to
say "no" to your spouse, to your parent, to your
employer, to your priest.
If you
find yourself in a relationship where you are being manipulated
to do things that are not healthy for you or for others, where
you are spoken to in a way that destroys your self-worth,
do not think that you are following the example of Jesus by
suffering these things in silence. You are a person of value,
and you have every right and responsibility to say, "this
must stop".
If someone
has lied to you habitually, continually promised you one thing
and delivered another, you are not doing something laudatory
by believing that person yet one more time. You have every
right and responsibility to say, "Your word is no longer
good with me. I will not put my life again in your hands again."
The sad
truth is, there are people in this world who are foolish,
selfish, and manipulative. The gospel calls us to love them;
but it does not advise us to believe them. Jesus asks us to
forgive them; but he warns us not to trust them. The parable
today calls us to wisdom. A wisdom that can discern when giving
of ourselves is praiseworthy and when it is a waste of our
time. We are called to be wise persons, people who look at
our experience and use our heads. A wise person will know
when giving and sacrificing are warranted and when the only
response which is right and holy is to say simply, "no".
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