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The
Gift of Dependence
January
5/6, 2008
Fr.
George Smiga
Matthew
2:1-12
There
are many lessons we could learn from the story of the Magi
in today's gospel. We could point to their courage for beginning
the journey, for their perseverance in bringing it to completion,
for their faith in seeking out the Christ child. But today
I would like to focus on a quality that is every bit as important
as the ones I just mentioned and also more relevant to our
lives. That quality is the virtue of dependence. For all their
skills and resources, the wise men were dependent on forces
outside of themselves. They depended on the star, which led
them to Jerusalem . They depended on Herod and his advisors
who sent them to Bethlehem . They depended on the message
they heard in a dream which sent them home by another road.
As wise as they were, the Magi could never have made their
journey alone. They would have never found the newborn King
of the Jews if they did not have the virtue of dependence.
Now
it might seem strange to call dependence a virtue. But what
is a virtue? It is a good habit; a tendency to do a good thing.
Dependence can be a very good thing. This may sound peculiar
to us because we live in a culture that extols independence
as the highest of good things. We all want to be self-sufficient.
We all want to make our own decisions, care for our own needs,
determine our own future. There is nothing wrong with any
of these desires. Being independent is a value. But because
we so extol that value, we can at times overlook the value
of dependence. It is a more difficult value for us to see.
Frequently,
people who are aging want to assert their self-sufficiency.
They say, “I don't want to be dependent on others. I don't
want to be a burden on my children. I don't want to ask of
others for the things that I need.” Now I sympathize with
all those desires. I do not want to be a burden either. But
when we only look at the value of being independent, we can
easily overlook the goodness that is also present in dependency.
There
is a value and even a beauty in realizing that we have needs
and that there are other people in our lives who are able
and even eager to meet them. Often as I meet with families
planning funerals, they mention how a spouse or a parent valued
his or her independence. “Dad was always giving to others
but he would never let us give to him. Mary was always doing
things for others, but she was unable to receive what we wanted
to offer.” As comments such as these are made, there is usually
a certain note of sadness or regret. The speakers point to
a lost opportunity. They realize how much deeper the relationship
could have been, if only the deceased parent or spouse had
been willing to be more dependent, willing to open themselves
more to love.
There
is nothing wrong with self-sufficiency but when that self-sufficiency
is pushed to an extreme, it can lead to isolation. It can
cut us off from those who wish to love us. Behind such extreme
self-sufficiency lies a sinful pride which says, “I can do
things on my own. I really don't need anyone else.” This is
why dependency is a virtue. The person who is dependent possesses
an honest humility which knows, “I am not complete in myself.
I cannot meet all of my needs. I need to have the freedom
to ask others for help.” When that humble humility is exercised,
it provides an opportunity for others to love us. It can deepen
the relationships with our families and friends. It can lead
us to a deeper sense of gratitude for the people who God has
placed in our lives.
In
a society that sees independence as the highest of goods,
the story of the Magi reminds us that dependence is a virtue.
There is no shame in knowing our needs and asking for help.
The three gifts that the Magi gave the Christ child were gold,
frankincense and myrrh. If we follow their example, they can
offer us the gifts of dependence, humility and gratitude.
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